More Reading Between The Lines...

Disclaimer: I have never met Michael nor any of his family, friends or business associates. I have admired Michael’s work for decades, and have come to know him, and love him, albeit from a distance, through watching and reading interviews. I am also not a medical professional, and these are just my personal observations, based on watching Michael since he was 10.

I have thought long and hard about what I’m going to say, because I know many people may not agree with me and be upset that I am painting a negative picture of Michael. Believe me, I don’t like it either, but I can’t pretend not to see it. I love Michael, and from what I’ve read he was bullied and undermined. For years.

So what was the story of Michael and prescription medication? A lot has been printed and said about 25^th June 2009, and the drugs he took that day. I feel that we need to go back about a decade in order to put the events of 2009 into context. I have a feeling that whatever he may have taken in 2009 had its roots in the previous years.

February 1993

It is widely known that Michael went into drug rehab in 1993. There was a deal of speculation in the tabloids at the time that he only went to rehab to ‘escape’ child molestation charges. I think that view is grossly unfair to Michael. However, he did go into rehab and he received some treatment for his problem.



December 1993 after leaving rehab



So when did the problems start again?

I’d never noticed that Michael had any drug problems before 1993. To me it never showed in his face or behaviour, and I was shocked and surprised when he went into rehab. However, I do think it began to show in the late 90’s, around the time of the Blood on the Dance Floor video in 1997. Why do I say that? Look at his eyes. For me, Michael’s eyes were always full of expression. You could see fire and sparkle in those eyes when he talked and sang. In the Blood on the Dance Floor video, that fire and sparkle was starting to fade, and was being replaced by a wide-eyed vacuous look. I am so sorry my darling Michael for saying this, but he started to look drugged. Just a little bit. His eyes started to look big, black and round, even when his face was showing many different emotions. When I compare him in this video and the Stranger In Moscow video from 1996, it looks like two different people.

2001 and Michael releases You Rock my World. The video is full of stunning dancing by Michael, but those eyes are still big, black and round. There is no fire and sparkle. At all. In fact throughout most of the video his eyes are covered by the brim of his trademark fedora. I have even wondered if it was a deliberate attempt by the director to hide the fact that he looked drugged?

2001 and it is the 30^th Anniversary Celebration at Madison Square Gardens. This is when I start to have serious concerns about Michael’s health. Not only are his eyes big, round and black, but he is slurring his words as he arrives with Elizabeth Taylor to watch the show. Later, I read an account that he collapsed in the dressing room, before going on to do a set with his brothers later in the show. A doctor advised he be sent to hospital, but this advice was ignored, and he was given energy drinks to wake him up enough to go and perform. He does perform, and he gives a sparkling performance, but for me his face shows that something is wrong. He looks down at the floor, away to the side, and covers his mouth with is hand a lot during the performance.

At the 30th Anniversary Concert 2001

2002/2003 was when the now infamous Bashir interview was filmed. Later, in 2007, Michael said in a filmed discussion with a lawyer (with regards to a lawsuit brought by ex-manager Dieter Wiesner) that he was on medication in January 2003. He did not remember signing a contract for Dieter Wiesner at that time, a contract that had his signature. At times in the Bashir interview, that big, black round eyed look was there – at the Neverland fun fair, discussing the beatings from his father, feeding Blanket, his son. At other times, the familiar Michael was seen. Again, it was like two different people. So he was still medicating in 2003. There is a rumour that he nearly overdosed on morphine when his interview on 60 Minutes was aired in December 2003. Clearly, Michael was already struggling and in pain.

2005. The Trial, as the fans have come to call it. The Trial. I don’t think we realised how much The Trial affected Michael, his confidence and self-esteem. Of course he must still know he had the talent, but now the negative opinion of the world was physically impinging on his life. Michael was a fighter, and immediately after The Trial, he started to look at ways of rebuilding his image and resurrecting his career. But it must have taken a further toll on his health. If he was medicating in early 2003, before the Bashir interview was aired, then in my opinion he had to be taking something during The Trial. If not during, then almost certainly afterwards, in order to get up every day and cope with the lies said about him in court. In addition, he had a fall at home and had bruised his lungs, causing a lot of pain. That was the day he turned up at court in pyjama bottoms. He had been at hospital receiving treatment, when the judge ordered him into court within the hour. The tabloids further added to the pressure by abandoning the story the second Michael was acquitted. Up to that point, the tabloids were full of negativity towards Michael. After that, no retraction, no apology, no correction. No savage piece on the travesty that Michael had to face for 5 months, at the hands of vindictive officials. Nothing.

During The Trial

2006 World Music Awards in London. Michael is due to accept an award, and there is a rumour that he will be performing too. Reports say that when the time for him to sing came, he was nowhere to be found. Beyoncé tracked him down in his dressing room, curled into a ball with fear. If you watch the performance of We Are the World on YouTube, he doesn’t sing much at all, and spends most of the time onstage, greeting fans and the singers in the choir. I don’t know if it was planned that way, but the way the performance peters out at the end, I suggest not.

March 2009 Michael flies into London to announce the O2 concerts. The night before the O2 announcement, it’s reported that he called his mother for a pep talk, as he was worried that no one would turn up for the press conference. Hotel staff reported that he was in reception in the early hours one morning, asking for DVDs, and they thought he was drunk.

Most fans agree that Michael was not his usual self during the O2 press conference. So much so, that some fans have speculated that it was not Michael at all, but a double. I however do believe it was Michael. I also believe that he was stressed, worried and anxious that day, and his unusual behaviour was as a result of him putting on a brave front and being a showman to hide his fear. Notice how he wore black sunglasses the whole time – from leaving the hotel, and all through his short speech? I think he was hiding his fear behind those sunglasses.

So already, by March 2009, we have a picture of a man for whom performing possibly had become an ordeal, and no longer seemed a pleasure. Fans have said, that there was no way he could have felt nervous or worried about press conferences or appearing onstage, because he had been doing it for years. Well yes he had. But for years he had also been under attack from the tabloid media, who called him W**** even as far back as 1987. When you are constantly being attacked for over 20 years, it can wear you down. It can make you angry. It can make you fight back. It can make you sick with stress. It can make you need to medicate just to get through some days and carry on as normal. I have seen signs that Michael had experienced all of these things over the 20 years. I suspect that whenever Michael had to deal with situations he found stressful, he medicated. But if he was at home living quietly, he did not need to take anything. The other side effect of so much negativity is that other people, the public, begin to believe the lies, and don’t bother to check out the stories for themselves. The lies are repeated by people who have no idea if what they are saying is true. I’ve spoken to people who really believe that Michael’s nose is detachable.

1st April 2009

I think Michael really wanted to be able to perform again, but I think that physically it was out of the question. I think the stress would make him too ill. There have also been rumours that Michael had back pain during rehearsals for This is It, so to complete hours of rehearsal he would have had to take painkillers. Did this kick-start his addiction?

By June 18^th a picture is emerging that Randy Philips of AEG was using strong-arm tactics to force Michael to turn up to rehearsals. It is said that he told Dr Murray to give Michael whatever it took to get him onto that stage to rehearse.

If you are not shocked by what I have just written, then you should be. There is a rumour that Michael's drug addiction was the worst kept secret in Hollywood. I find it hard to believe that AEG hadn't heard about it.

Once again, Michael’s health and well being was being compromised in favour of making money. It was done at the 30^th anniversary concert, and I’m speculating that Michael had to take something to get him onstage at the 2006 World Music Awards as well. It is against the law to treat a sick animal this way, so why was it OK to treat Michael Jackson like this? And for a doctor to agree to it is insane.

21^st June Fathers’ Day and Cherilyn Lee, a nurse whom Michael knew, receives a call that Michael is unwell. She hears him in the background saying he is hot on one side of his body and cold on the other. She advises the caller to take Michael to hospital. Later, she says that whatever they had given him had hit his central nervous system. To this day I have heard no reports that Michael went to hospital that day. This is shocking. There were fans outside his home on 21st, so it is fair to say they would have noticed if he’d been taken to UCLA. But these very fans had already noticed the alarming change in Michael’s behaviour, and the sudden weight loss over the previous 3 weeks. They had become so concerned that they spoke to members of his entourage, pleading for someone to intervene and help Michael. When nothing was done, they wrote personal letters to Michael, effectively asking him to stop preparations for the concerts, and put his health first.

23^rd and 24^th June Michael is at rehearsals and it is claimed that he is so cold that extra clothing needed to be provided. He can be seen in This Is It wearing a t-shirt, shirt and jacket whilst rehearsing onstage under hot lights. The backing dancers are in vests or t-shirts. Michael also had to be provided with a heater.

Footage from 24^th June gives me the chills. Michael is duly there onstage, rehearsing, marking his steps at time, but to me he looks like a shell of his former self. He looks alarmingly underweight, and as though every movement is uncomfortable or painful and is taking huge effort. When he stops and walks upstage at the end of Thriller, he looks exhausted and as if he can’t wait to get off stage. His eyes are big, black, round and almost entirely void of any expression.

On the 24^th, the fans delivered their letters into Michael’s hands. When he retired that night, he asked his assistant to give him the letters to read. By that time it was the early hours of 25^th June 2009.

Rehearsing on 24 June 2009